ch-ch-ch-changes. le dernier blog de plenouze... : (

2 weeks. 2 weeks. what the hell??? i'm in that funny limbo situation, where i feel like i never left (ahem, at work), but things still freak me out. for instance, yesterday was SUNDAY and the comcast dude came and set up our wifi at like 9am. and im all WTF mate, you're supposed to be at home fair-ing the grasse matinee! a lie-in if you will! but not so much.

on the metro, i feel like i should have to ring for my stop; i still have the reflex to say hello and goodbye in shops; sometimes it's well received, mostly im ignored. salut/ca va/merde/quel...! are still the first things that come out of my mouth, but the kids at work (im managing the coffeehouse, for all y'all not in the loop) dont seem too annoyed. it's just who i am now. the light switches freak me out. the streets are enormous. and the cars. and the people. and i dont understand why we dont faire les bises with good friends - i keep leaning in, all awkward-like...im going to motion to bring bisous here, je crois.

but there are more bikers in DC than i remembered, so thats cool. and my new apartment is well located between 3 metro stops, 50-min walking from work, 10-min to a bus that goes directly to the shop...im living on puffed millet, roasted soynuts, veggie burgers, edamame, all these little vegetarian gems that i've missed. i am disappointed each time i take a slice of baguette at work - too soft and fluffy! i mean, it's good bread, but it's not french.

i'm tired of fielding the "why are you back here/whats your next plan of action/when and how are you getting back to france?" questions...i dont have the answers. i thought that time in france was going to help me figure out grad school and all that fun stuff, and i thought that after 8 months i'd have france out of my system. now i see that that's not the case. i want to be there NOW. so i think that this summer i'll have a lot more motivation to get my act together, find schools, jobs, network...enjoy DC, but formulate a real plan for escape. i know that the image and experience i have of france right now cannot be repeated, that the next time will be sans my assistant darlings and my valence friends, that there will be new hurdles to overcome and that the sucky days will happen again, but i still need french in my life on a more constant basis. i know i can find it here, too - and now that im finally unpacked and settled and with a bed and internet, i'll definitely use my time wisely to keep on top of my french...

it's just funny that after all those months of feeling only like i half-belonged in france, you know, with the frequent 'what are you doing here?' and i definitely dont have to explain myself to anyone here, i feel like more of an outsider than ever. my dc people have changed (still love them, but it's not like they were frozen in time, although that would have been soo much more convenient for me haha), i still dont love this city, but i just need to suck it up, make the most of this time, and get outta here ASAP :)