2 weeks. 2 weeks. what the hell??? i'm in that funny limbo situation, where i feel like i never left (ahem, at work), but things still freak me out. for instance, yesterday was SUNDAY and the comcast dude came and set up our wifi at like 9am. and im all WTF mate, you're supposed to be at home fair-ing the grasse matinee! a lie-in if you will! but not so much.
on the metro, i feel like i should have to ring for my stop; i still have the reflex to say hello and goodbye in shops; sometimes it's well received, mostly im ignored. salut/ca va/merde/quel...! are still the first things that come out of my mouth, but the kids at work (im managing the coffeehouse, for all y'all not in the loop) dont seem too annoyed. it's just who i am now. the light switches freak me out. the streets are enormous. and the cars. and the people. and i dont understand why we dont faire les bises with good friends - i keep leaning in, all awkward-like...im going to motion to bring bisous here, je crois.
but there are more bikers in DC than i remembered, so thats cool. and my new apartment is well located between 3 metro stops, 50-min walking from work, 10-min to a bus that goes directly to the shop...im living on puffed millet, roasted soynuts, veggie burgers, edamame, all these little vegetarian gems that i've missed. i am disappointed each time i take a slice of baguette at work - too soft and fluffy! i mean, it's good bread, but it's not french.
i'm tired of fielding the "why are you back here/whats your next plan of action/when and how are you getting back to france?" questions...i dont have the answers. i thought that time in france was going to help me figure out grad school and all that fun stuff, and i thought that after 8 months i'd have france out of my system. now i see that that's not the case. i want to be there NOW. so i think that this summer i'll have a lot more motivation to get my act together, find schools, jobs, network...enjoy DC, but formulate a real plan for escape. i know that the image and experience i have of france right now cannot be repeated, that the next time will be sans my assistant darlings and my valence friends, that there will be new hurdles to overcome and that the sucky days will happen again, but i still need french in my life on a more constant basis. i know i can find it here, too - and now that im finally unpacked and settled and with a bed and internet, i'll definitely use my time wisely to keep on top of my french...
it's just funny that after all those months of feeling only like i half-belonged in france, you know, with the frequent 'what are you doing here?' and i definitely dont have to explain myself to anyone here, i feel like more of an outsider than ever. my dc people have changed (still love them, but it's not like they were frozen in time, although that would have been soo much more convenient for me haha), i still dont love this city, but i just need to suck it up, make the most of this time, and get outta here ASAP :)
lundi 2 juin 2008
mercredi 21 mai 2008
all good things...
culture shock is a ridiculous thing, particularly if it happens when you're coming back to your home country. i mean, ive been back for just over a day, but i still cant wrap my mind around the fact that im stuck here indefinitely, that im not going to pop into tasse after working out and swooning over the singing man at the gym, that im not going to see mandy or julien or jessika for drinks at the PK, that i cant just get a great baguette wherever i want, and that i cant speak french to just anyone on the street. i have to catch myself in stores and on the street; pardon and ciao, ca va, but any more than that and i'll just attract unwanted attention to myself...
my last days in valence were emotionally intense, to say the least. mandy was awesome - insisted on fresh baguettes and pastries everyday bc you know i would've regretted that once back stateside...so thursday we had dinner in tain. friday i ran my heart out at the gym to try to purge myself of the increasing sense of dread that i had about the impending departure, chilled at tasse with mandy, and went out to PKs with calum, ced, julien (who got super pissed at ced bc ced likes my neck piercings and pinched my cheeks...so cute, ju's jaloux! hehe) , jess, and shazz as a final farewell to those kids...it was bittersweet.
saturday rained buckets, how appropriate. dragged myself to the gym while mandy was tutoring, then met up with the boy in the early afternoon. and the crying commenced. uuuugh. not cool, but at least he was sad, too...last tasse et glace date, almost started crying again at leaving my home away from home. manu was great, gave me a gift bag with my favorite tea and candies...i miss it there already, though. just such a perfect little cafe, and manu is so great and i dont know what we would've done without it! i mean, la bastille is nice, too, and of course im pro the waiter that's in love with me and the terasse, but still. tasse is like a little slice of heaven. that evening, julien took me out for dinner, to his friend Richard's resto in Romans. super cute place, richard was fantastic, smoked like 50 cigs in 30 seconds no joke, hopped in and out of the kitchen window to come hang out with us (we were sitting outside), super goofy...oh yah, and dinner was good, too. pain d'epice-fraise tiramisu, miam! then we headed back to valence, picked up mandy and went to the pub with jess and sophie. neil, the barman, gave us a round of shooters on the house bc i was leaving...there was goofy, bad music (heep heep!), mandy saw her mec louche from st patricks day (such a circular evening!), we were weepy and sad...no joke, i cried for hours at the end of the night. vrai bordel, moi.
and then it was the last day. and that was not ok. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt concentrate. had a bad feeling about apts back in DC, so i was scrambling to find housing...didnt want to think about actually saying bye to the girls and julien...the pub had organized a baseball game with the frenchies, so ironically enough we hung out being super american for a few hours before i started my journey back to the states. it was fairly awesome, though - ju, mandy and i got there after they'd started. after one inning, they broke for food, beer and cigs. neil and jenny had brought their tortoise, miles, who chilled and ate clover...we played amongst ourselves while the frenchies were reposing; i have kinda developed a wicked talent for hitting without really trying/looking and throwing pretty well, too. yaay gym class..? i dont know. anyway. said bye to jess, stopped by the apt to grab lunch and luggage, then went to the tgv station for my 15h train. prayed and hoped and hoped and prayed that the train would be lost or something, but to no avail. i havent been so sad and cried so much since i dont know when. truly. we were all three complete wrecks...and it was so sad, bc it was a gorgeous day! and i was leaving such good good good friends! i dont know, im just soo glad and grateful that jess, mouf and julien were part of my time in france, and i dont know how im going to get along without mouf and ju around whenever i want them. but i know that these are friends for life and i love them soo much, and while it sucked leaving, it's just a temporary situation.
the actual trip was fine, train to gare de lyon, navette to CDG then to the hotel, flights were on time...although as early as the layover in dublin i knew that reentry was going to be rough. the americans that were on my flight just made me want to die inside. i dont know why. im just not from here... was happily assumed to be french by a french couple at the airport and the girl checking me into my flights was soo pro my speaking french that even when she once started speaking english to me, she caught herself mid-sentence and started in french again. yesss. AND i only had to pay for 4kg overweight, even though i was more like 15kg over. yess. im black-and-blue from lugging that stuff all over, but my shoulders are relatively not stiff anymore, so thats good, right?
more on the culture shock later. this whole experience just leaves me drained and my eyes hurting. j'aime pas. la france me manque trop, et mouf et julien. zut zut zut
my last days in valence were emotionally intense, to say the least. mandy was awesome - insisted on fresh baguettes and pastries everyday bc you know i would've regretted that once back stateside...so thursday we had dinner in tain. friday i ran my heart out at the gym to try to purge myself of the increasing sense of dread that i had about the impending departure, chilled at tasse with mandy, and went out to PKs with calum, ced, julien (who got super pissed at ced bc ced likes my neck piercings and pinched my cheeks...so cute, ju's jaloux! hehe) , jess, and shazz as a final farewell to those kids...it was bittersweet.
saturday rained buckets, how appropriate. dragged myself to the gym while mandy was tutoring, then met up with the boy in the early afternoon. and the crying commenced. uuuugh. not cool, but at least he was sad, too...last tasse et glace date, almost started crying again at leaving my home away from home. manu was great, gave me a gift bag with my favorite tea and candies...i miss it there already, though. just such a perfect little cafe, and manu is so great and i dont know what we would've done without it! i mean, la bastille is nice, too, and of course im pro the waiter that's in love with me and the terasse, but still. tasse is like a little slice of heaven. that evening, julien took me out for dinner, to his friend Richard's resto in Romans. super cute place, richard was fantastic, smoked like 50 cigs in 30 seconds no joke, hopped in and out of the kitchen window to come hang out with us (we were sitting outside), super goofy...oh yah, and dinner was good, too. pain d'epice-fraise tiramisu, miam! then we headed back to valence, picked up mandy and went to the pub with jess and sophie. neil, the barman, gave us a round of shooters on the house bc i was leaving...there was goofy, bad music (heep heep!), mandy saw her mec louche from st patricks day (such a circular evening!), we were weepy and sad...no joke, i cried for hours at the end of the night. vrai bordel, moi.
and then it was the last day. and that was not ok. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt concentrate. had a bad feeling about apts back in DC, so i was scrambling to find housing...didnt want to think about actually saying bye to the girls and julien...the pub had organized a baseball game with the frenchies, so ironically enough we hung out being super american for a few hours before i started my journey back to the states. it was fairly awesome, though - ju, mandy and i got there after they'd started. after one inning, they broke for food, beer and cigs. neil and jenny had brought their tortoise, miles, who chilled and ate clover...we played amongst ourselves while the frenchies were reposing; i have kinda developed a wicked talent for hitting without really trying/looking and throwing pretty well, too. yaay gym class..? i dont know. anyway. said bye to jess, stopped by the apt to grab lunch and luggage, then went to the tgv station for my 15h train. prayed and hoped and hoped and prayed that the train would be lost or something, but to no avail. i havent been so sad and cried so much since i dont know when. truly. we were all three complete wrecks...and it was so sad, bc it was a gorgeous day! and i was leaving such good good good friends! i dont know, im just soo glad and grateful that jess, mouf and julien were part of my time in france, and i dont know how im going to get along without mouf and ju around whenever i want them. but i know that these are friends for life and i love them soo much, and while it sucked leaving, it's just a temporary situation.
the actual trip was fine, train to gare de lyon, navette to CDG then to the hotel, flights were on time...although as early as the layover in dublin i knew that reentry was going to be rough. the americans that were on my flight just made me want to die inside. i dont know why. im just not from here... was happily assumed to be french by a french couple at the airport and the girl checking me into my flights was soo pro my speaking french that even when she once started speaking english to me, she caught herself mid-sentence and started in french again. yesss. AND i only had to pay for 4kg overweight, even though i was more like 15kg over. yess. im black-and-blue from lugging that stuff all over, but my shoulders are relatively not stiff anymore, so thats good, right?
more on the culture shock later. this whole experience just leaves me drained and my eyes hurting. j'aime pas. la france me manque trop, et mouf et julien. zut zut zut
vendredi 16 mai 2008
things i do for an armoire, and the last day with a puce
last night mandy and i went over to julien's for dinner with his maman...(first time he's brought a girl over to meet his mother, PS) so we took the train out to tain to meet him, which was a big deal since normally he comes down to valence. so we're heading to the gare, you know, strolling as french time calls for, with the intention of stopping at a floriste before the 18h49 train. as it happened, we were rather short on time, just 10 minutes to grab a bouquet of gerbers and jump the train, right? i mean, i picked what i wanted, had the cash in hand, vite fait, n'est pas? non non mes amis, nothing is ever fast in france, and this time was no exception. i mean, it was the scene clear out of love actually when alan rickman is buying the necklace from mr. bean. no joke. added little green things. yellow raffia. trimmed the stems. plastic emballage. more ribbon, stickers...aie! it was hilarious really, and after all but throwing the money at the poor guy, we ran onto the train, which we only made because it was running a few minutes behind schedule.
so this is the train that we ride without tickets. i mean, it's a 10-minute ride and we always take last-minute excursions to the land of wine and rainbows, aka i dont generally have my carte 12-25, aka not worth a ticket. whatever. we're never stopped. BUT THIS TIME...well, there was a sncf lady handing out questionnaires about the quality of our voyage. we had great peur that she was going to nab us for being sans billet, but in fact she just asked us to fill out the survey. tant pis, mme, we're at our stop! hehe.i filled it out nevertheless, for the scrapbook, you know..
dinner was fun, his mom is super cute. she made a nice veg-friendly spread (along with good-natured, totally expected vegetarian ribbing) - salade composee (gr beans, radishes, tomatoes, corn, olives noires), an omlette-gateau-truc (eggs with veggies and tomato sauce, kinda like quiche sans crust), and gratin de ravioles avec courgette. trop bon. and fresh strawberries with creme chantilly a la maison for dessert. super generous of her. fun times. (PS they have a super cute, super fat cat AND 2 tortoises) (PPS i totally got a baby slug in my hair while we were outside looking at the tortoises. dont ask me how, im just really talented at getting nature in my hair. ohh me)
today, however, was a sad day - i closed my bank account. sniff sniff. ive been in the bank all week, the poor girls see me coming, with my questions of what to do, trying to make appointments with my adviser, all that. basically the even consisted of dropping off an official letter stating that i wanted to close the accounts. then someone was supposed to call me to turn in my card and chequier, but no one called. so yesterday i went in to ask what to do, and opted to go in this afternoon, drop off my stuff, withdraw some cash for the weekend, and leave them with the info to transfer my funds to DC later in the month, once they're established that no more transactions are going through the acct. so mandy and i went in...i wanted to keep a check, once again for a keepsake, but had forgotten to take one out at home. so im all trying to secretly take out a check before giving her my chequier. of course im not tres slick, and she was all 'what are you doing?' 'umm, je vais garder une cheque.' 'pourquoi?' 'pour l'addresse, au cas ou je dois vs envoyer de quoi de ma banque a DC..?' 'je vs donnerai un RIB plutot.' 'umm d'ac mais je vais la garder quand-meme. n'inquietez pas, je mettrai "VOID"'...they thought i was nuts. asked if i wanted to take a pic of them for the scrapbook, too. ohh those french! hehe ... soo my carte puce soo francais was cut in half *tear*and within a month my euros should be in my american acct. nul/triste/arrrgh it makes this all too real.
so this is the train that we ride without tickets. i mean, it's a 10-minute ride and we always take last-minute excursions to the land of wine and rainbows, aka i dont generally have my carte 12-25, aka not worth a ticket. whatever. we're never stopped. BUT THIS TIME...well, there was a sncf lady handing out questionnaires about the quality of our voyage. we had great peur that she was going to nab us for being sans billet, but in fact she just asked us to fill out the survey. tant pis, mme, we're at our stop! hehe.i filled it out nevertheless, for the scrapbook, you know..
dinner was fun, his mom is super cute. she made a nice veg-friendly spread (along with good-natured, totally expected vegetarian ribbing) - salade composee (gr beans, radishes, tomatoes, corn, olives noires), an omlette-gateau-truc (eggs with veggies and tomato sauce, kinda like quiche sans crust), and gratin de ravioles avec courgette. trop bon. and fresh strawberries with creme chantilly a la maison for dessert. super generous of her. fun times. (PS they have a super cute, super fat cat AND 2 tortoises) (PPS i totally got a baby slug in my hair while we were outside looking at the tortoises. dont ask me how, im just really talented at getting nature in my hair. ohh me)
today, however, was a sad day - i closed my bank account. sniff sniff. ive been in the bank all week, the poor girls see me coming, with my questions of what to do, trying to make appointments with my adviser, all that. basically the even consisted of dropping off an official letter stating that i wanted to close the accounts. then someone was supposed to call me to turn in my card and chequier, but no one called. so yesterday i went in to ask what to do, and opted to go in this afternoon, drop off my stuff, withdraw some cash for the weekend, and leave them with the info to transfer my funds to DC later in the month, once they're established that no more transactions are going through the acct. so mandy and i went in...i wanted to keep a check, once again for a keepsake, but had forgotten to take one out at home. so im all trying to secretly take out a check before giving her my chequier. of course im not tres slick, and she was all 'what are you doing?' 'umm, je vais garder une cheque.' 'pourquoi?' 'pour l'addresse, au cas ou je dois vs envoyer de quoi de ma banque a DC..?' 'je vs donnerai un RIB plutot.' 'umm d'ac mais je vais la garder quand-meme. n'inquietez pas, je mettrai "VOID"'...they thought i was nuts. asked if i wanted to take a pic of them for the scrapbook, too. ohh those french! hehe ... soo my carte puce soo francais was cut in half *tear*and within a month my euros should be in my american acct. nul/triste/arrrgh it makes this all too real.
jeudi 15 mai 2008
falafel, eggplant, tea, greves
mouf decided to participate in the national teachers' grève today, mainly to hang out with me (bien sur!), have our traditional jeudi lunch date at the armenian resto where we're regulars, chill out at tasse, and put up with my neuroitc whining about the big move coming up next week. this is what le gouvernement had to think about that:
Fonction publique : le gouvernement dénonce une grève "surannée", "datée" et "égoïste"
LEMONDE.FR | 15.05.08
LEMONDE.FR | 15.05.08
© 
mardi 13 mai 2008
attaque des flaques! or: the things we do that ellicit wonderous looks of confusion from the french
1) nutella and chevre tartines: jaws drop every time we say that we've tried it and it's good. they just dont like mixing the salty and the sweet
2) ranch dressing on pizza during nouvelle star parties
2.5) eating vegetables (ahem, broccoli) at such parties that are just cooked plain, aka not in creme et fromage, gratin-style. oh those french, just so wholesome and fresh.
2.75) grape bubble yum bubble-blowing contests. i mean, i dont know why we decide to do these things, but it's funny. and like cultural immersion for julien. dont judge us.
3) peanut butter and jelly, classic. i think it's gross too.
4) microwavable popcorn. i was in istanbul, but apparently mandy and jessika borrowed manu's microwave to pop some before watching a movie...long story short, there were 4 frenchies crowded around the micro., watching in fear and awe as the bag popped. it just doesnt exist here.
5) traveling for pastries, such as the best mille feuille in france. we (mouf, jess and I) went to livron, a town 20 min south of valence, since we had some time...it was totally worth the hike from the gare, the 1.5h wait until the patisserie reopened from lunch...but when we tell people here that we traveled to find a good pastry (bc a bad mille feuille is just a very very sad day), they look at us like we have 3 heads.
6) breakfast for dinner. food customs are set in stone and theres no changing them. asked julien once if he wanted a bowl of cereal bc we hadnt eaten dinner and he got all consternated-like, nevermind their reactions when we told ppl we were having a bfast for dinner party!
7) colorful clothing. i wore my patchwork plaid skirt to livron and apparently everyone and their mother was looking at me and giggling at the crazy in yellows and reds. while we were waiting for the bus, this kid shouted out of the window of his car, "vous avez vole ma nappe! c'est pas bon, ca!" (you stole my tablecloth! not cool!). at least he vouvoye'd me quand-meme.
8) my neck piercing still attract attention, esp since now that it's warm im not wearing my scarves as much. the server at the bastille is in love with them, and our friend ced decided it would be cool to lick them. although i guess on that count, it's more the things the french do that make me confused.
9) actually working up a sweat in the gym
10) bad american holiday candy: peeps. v-day hearts. cheap cvs chocolate things...
2) ranch dressing on pizza during nouvelle star parties
2.5) eating vegetables (ahem, broccoli) at such parties that are just cooked plain, aka not in creme et fromage, gratin-style. oh those french, just so wholesome and fresh.
2.75) grape bubble yum bubble-blowing contests. i mean, i dont know why we decide to do these things, but it's funny. and like cultural immersion for julien. dont judge us.
3) peanut butter and jelly, classic. i think it's gross too.
4) microwavable popcorn. i was in istanbul, but apparently mandy and jessika borrowed manu's microwave to pop some before watching a movie...long story short, there were 4 frenchies crowded around the micro., watching in fear and awe as the bag popped. it just doesnt exist here.
5) traveling for pastries, such as the best mille feuille in france. we (mouf, jess and I) went to livron, a town 20 min south of valence, since we had some time...it was totally worth the hike from the gare, the 1.5h wait until the patisserie reopened from lunch...but when we tell people here that we traveled to find a good pastry (bc a bad mille feuille is just a very very sad day), they look at us like we have 3 heads.
6) breakfast for dinner. food customs are set in stone and theres no changing them. asked julien once if he wanted a bowl of cereal bc we hadnt eaten dinner and he got all consternated-like, nevermind their reactions when we told ppl we were having a bfast for dinner party!
7) colorful clothing. i wore my patchwork plaid skirt to livron and apparently everyone and their mother was looking at me and giggling at the crazy in yellows and reds. while we were waiting for the bus, this kid shouted out of the window of his car, "vous avez vole ma nappe! c'est pas bon, ca!" (you stole my tablecloth! not cool!). at least he vouvoye'd me quand-meme.
8) my neck piercing still attract attention, esp since now that it's warm im not wearing my scarves as much. the server at the bastille is in love with them, and our friend ced decided it would be cool to lick them. although i guess on that count, it's more the things the french do that make me confused.
9) actually working up a sweat in the gym
10) bad american holiday candy: peeps. v-day hearts. cheap cvs chocolate things...
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