all good things...

culture shock is a ridiculous thing, particularly if it happens when you're coming back to your home country. i mean, ive been back for just over a day, but i still cant wrap my mind around the fact that im stuck here indefinitely, that im not going to pop into tasse after working out and swooning over the singing man at the gym, that im not going to see mandy or julien or jessika for drinks at the PK, that i cant just get a great baguette wherever i want, and that i cant speak french to just anyone on the street. i have to catch myself in stores and on the street; pardon and ciao, ca va, but any more than that and i'll just attract unwanted attention to myself...

my last days in valence were emotionally intense, to say the least. mandy was awesome - insisted on fresh baguettes and pastries everyday bc you know i would've regretted that once back stateside...so thursday we had dinner in tain. friday i ran my heart out at the gym to try to purge myself of the increasing sense of dread that i had about the impending departure, chilled at tasse with mandy, and went out to PKs with calum, ced, julien (who got super pissed at ced bc ced likes my neck piercings and pinched my cheeks...so cute, ju's jaloux! hehe) , jess, and shazz as a final farewell to those kids...it was bittersweet.

saturday rained buckets, how appropriate. dragged myself to the gym while mandy was tutoring, then met up with the boy in the early afternoon. and the crying commenced. uuuugh. not cool, but at least he was sad, too...last tasse et glace date, almost started crying again at leaving my home away from home. manu was great, gave me a gift bag with my favorite tea and candies...i miss it there already, though. just such a perfect little cafe, and manu is so great and i dont know what we would've done without it! i mean, la bastille is nice, too, and of course im pro the waiter that's in love with me and the terasse, but still. tasse is like a little slice of heaven. that evening, julien took me out for dinner, to his friend Richard's resto in Romans. super cute place, richard was fantastic, smoked like 50 cigs in 30 seconds no joke, hopped in and out of the kitchen window to come hang out with us (we were sitting outside), super goofy...oh yah, and dinner was good, too. pain d'epice-fraise tiramisu, miam! then we headed back to valence, picked up mandy and went to the pub with jess and sophie. neil, the barman, gave us a round of shooters on the house bc i was leaving...there was goofy, bad music (heep heep!), mandy saw her mec louche from st patricks day (such a circular evening!), we were weepy and sad...no joke, i cried for hours at the end of the night. vrai bordel, moi.

and then it was the last day. and that was not ok. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt concentrate. had a bad feeling about apts back in DC, so i was scrambling to find housing...didnt want to think about actually saying bye to the girls and julien...the pub had organized a baseball game with the frenchies, so ironically enough we hung out being super american for a few hours before i started my journey back to the states. it was fairly awesome, though - ju, mandy and i got there after they'd started. after one inning, they broke for food, beer and cigs. neil and jenny had brought their tortoise, miles, who chilled and ate clover...we played amongst ourselves while the frenchies were reposing; i have kinda developed a wicked talent for hitting without really trying/looking and throwing pretty well, too. yaay gym class..? i dont know. anyway. said bye to jess, stopped by the apt to grab lunch and luggage, then went to the tgv station for my 15h train. prayed and hoped and hoped and prayed that the train would be lost or something, but to no avail. i havent been so sad and cried so much since i dont know when. truly. we were all three complete wrecks...and it was so sad, bc it was a gorgeous day! and i was leaving such good good good friends! i dont know, im just soo glad and grateful that jess, mouf and julien were part of my time in france, and i dont know how im going to get along without mouf and ju around whenever i want them. but i know that these are friends for life and i love them soo much, and while it sucked leaving, it's just a temporary situation.

the actual trip was fine, train to gare de lyon, navette to CDG then to the hotel, flights were on time...although as early as the layover in dublin i knew that reentry was going to be rough. the americans that were on my flight just made me want to die inside. i dont know why. im just not from here... was happily assumed to be french by a french couple at the airport and the girl checking me into my flights was soo pro my speaking french that even when she once started speaking english to me, she caught herself mid-sentence and started in french again. yesss. AND i only had to pay for 4kg overweight, even though i was more like 15kg over. yess. im black-and-blue from lugging that stuff all over, but my shoulders are relatively not stiff anymore, so thats good, right?

more on the culture shock later. this whole experience just leaves me drained and my eyes hurting. j'aime pas. la france me manque trop, et mouf et julien. zut zut zut