indecision and dinner parties

im really not a fan of life right now. a grey drizzly chill has been hanging over valence all week, pretty much matching how my heart feels...(ohh emo, do you love it?) seriously though, technically im down to the last 4 weeks of my time here, and im having trouble wrapping my mind around coming back to the states. it's understandable - i mean, you remember all those times over vacation or at summer camp or whatnot, when time dragged in the middle of your visit and then BAM all kinds of fun, cool things happened at the end, and it's just like shooooot i cant leave now! well that's mas o menos the situation here. all of my teachers just shake their heads when i say im leaving on the 9th, since may/june is when france becomes vivacious and lovely once again. mandy'll be here teaching til mid-july, and she's sorta bummed out bc she's the only one with the 9-month contract, so she'll be here alone. BUT of course we've also made more local friends that she'll hang out with and i'll be jealous...
the job search in DC is pretty much shite at the moment, so if this summer im going to be working just to be working, aka n'importe quel type of job, why not stay in france for a little bit longer? soo im half-heartedly looking at au pair jobs or volunteering on a farm; changing my ticket wouldnt be too cher, so even just staying instead until the end of may is a possibility. i mean, i dont have an apt or job to go back to, and i feel like im happier here than i would be in dc, soo....and i really need to stop looking at dc as the only city to go back to, too..time to change it up.
annnyway. so i cant decide if i should stay or go. i want to stay. but i want a real job in dc, too...so for the moment im living it up as if im peacing out as planned, which means that i have very little time chez moi to look for jobs here or in the district, buuuut im ok with that. mandy, jessika and i have been having little dinner parties and theres been lots of just chilling entre assistants. last night was the "last supper" - we dressed up and went out to dinner at Bistrot des Clercs (faaancy) together for the last time before everyone splits off for vacation and heading off for the summer. it was pretty surreal. of course there are some tensions between certain people, the unfortunate side effect of spending soo much time with the same people, but i think i'll miss just about everyone.
ive started saying goodbye to my classes already. yesterday at Valery the teachers had an apero at lunch to thank me and Rebeka, the german assistant. i had 5 hours of class there, too, and it felt soo goood to leave and know that i just have one hour there this afternoon and then im finished with that school. for good. that being said, i will miss the teachers there. josette made me promise to keep in touch, esp if i stay in france a bit longer, since we didn't really have time to hangout outside of school. i spent 3 hours in class with olivier, who's probably my favorite teacher/friend, and we just mostly hung out chatting about briticims (i cant be bothered!) vs american phrases, while the kids played word games that i brought. it's funny, his classes have thought all year that im his girlfriend, ooh lord, noooo. today im meeting a class - probably the ONLY class that i havent worked with - just so they can see me and be sad that they didnt get to work with me (kidding, more like bc they dont have class the days that i was usually there, but are apparently good and cute, so they're going to interview me) and then it's vaaacaaaation AGAIN, then 3 days of teaching and thats all. shoot.
i was gonna write about why this was a good experience for me even if im leaving here without references and just generally stressed about what to do next, but i have to go profiter from yet another rainy day. i'll post again, dont fret, in between the gym and a teacher dinner and hanging out with the girls and Julien (french friend!! woohoo)...